Love it or hate it, Christmas music is out there. It’s been out there for a month now. A whole…month. Based on my reaction, you can probably tell that I’m not exactly partial to Christmas music. However, it’s got a great use in the worship service. With the beginning of Genesis Church, it’s been tough to do as much this year as I’d like, but stuff like that tends to happen when planning time gets cut short. Anyway, keep in mind this is somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I don’t hate these songs. I don’t hate Christmas music. I just think these lyrics are pretty weird, and that kind of makes them funny.

Away in a Manger

“The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes. But little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes.” Oh boy. I feel bad for Mary. We tend to paint baby Jesus as this superhuman no-cry, no-poop baby. Nope. There were definitely diaper changes and I’m almost positive more than a few sleepless nights. According to the song, a cow just went off in little Lord Jesus’s ear. He’s definitely crying. I popped a paper bag in my son’s general vicinity this morning and he freaked.

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

This one really needs no explanation. Dear unnamed teen in our youth group, I’m looking at you. It was not the first time, nor will it be the last that I am asked which angel is “Harold.”

What Child is This

“Come peasant, king, to own him.” Of course, peasants and kings alike can receive the gift of salvation from Christ. But isn’t “own” just a little bit of a stretch? Owning people kind of brings some slavery issues to mind. Or at least some massive inequality issues of people as property. I get what they’re saying here, I just think the phrasing needs to be…not that.

Mary, Did You Know?

One of my favorite Twitter accounts is @ChrchCurmudgeon. I didn’t misspell that, there’s no “U” in church (insert bad church sign joke here). And one of my favorite posts by this user every single year is…

“Yup, she knew. Angel told her.”

Seriously though. Mary, did you know? Pretty sure she did. If the virgin pregnancy, visit from the angel, and random worshippers showing up didn’t clue her in to the fact that he was actually the Savior, she’s kind of missing it.

Little Drummer Boy

First, let’s be serious. Again, this actual crying baby (see number 1) gets a visit from a loud, obnoxious guest. I am a drummer, and I know we’re a little obnoxious. And loud. I feel as if Mary would not have been happy with this situation. I get mad when people ring the doorbell when my son is asleep. I really just can’t imagine a situation where a random door-to-door drummer shows up and is like “Hey…I don’t have any gifts, but would you mind if I beat on this drum for a while for your kid?” Nope. Go away. If you want to worship the Savior while he’s napping, please do. But do it quietly. Otherwise, you’re taking care of him. And what’s up with an ox and lamb keeping time? I think no.

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